When we’re facing an unplanned or crisis pregnancy, this isn’t the first option that comes to mind.
Adoption? You learn that you’re facing a pregnancy you don’t want. This wasn’t part of your plans. Though you don’t feel like parenting, this option is likely not your first thought as an option. Most of us have grown up seeing adoption as “giving up your baby.” Only seeing the pain of the act, it isn’t appealing to us. Making a choice to place a child with strangers, even qualified ones, is far from easy. I would not wish the need to make such a choice on any parent. It’s always based on a situation that comes from living in a fallen, sinful, broken world. If we had no abuse, dysfunction, addictions, or abortion, adoption would never be needed. Adoption agencies would go out of business. Lawyers specializing in it would have to retrain. Or look for other work.
I grew up in the 1960s and 1970s. During those years, and certainly before, adoption was shrouded in secrecy and shame. It wasn’t talked about. Women kept such decisions strictly secret. If they ever saw their children again, it was after those children reached the age of majority, and wanted to know their origins. These were known as closed placements. Birth parents and adoptive parents were forbidden to know anything about each other. The birth mom had zero contact with her baby. And many people still see adoption in light of the closed variety. No wonder abortion, not adoption, is seen as appealing to women! More recently, open adoption has emerged. This is when birth parents can meet and choose their baby’s family. Together, they and the adoptive family determine how much contact they will have with their child, This can range from a few cards yearly, to regular visits.
Adoption is an act of profound self-sacrifice. This is why so few women choose it for themselves and their babies. This is why so few families encourage their daughters to make this choice. They would rather undergo the great struggles of parenting. Or grandparenting. At least, you get to see your child (or grandchild) grow up. It takes maturity to concede that you are unable to raise your own child. Or grandchild. Many women and families may not have such maturity. And this option isn’t best for many women facing unplanned pregnancies. With the proper support, they can successfully raise their children. But there are situations where neither women or their families can raise a child. Sadly, I have seen situations where both parent and child would have been better off if the parent had chosen adoption.
Many years ago, I saw a movie that was called Madame X. This woman had given birth to a son out of wedlock. She had him placed in a closed adoption. Later in life, she wound up in a situation where she fell ill. Somehow, they meet but she concealed her identity, to protect him. Yet he felt this love for this woman that even he could not understand. I don’t know if that movie was based on a true story. But it shows the sheer power of the bond between a birth mom and her child. Even adoption can’t break it entirely, though these children see their adoptive parents as mom and dad. As they should.
Benefits N Rewards
Adoption is considered the most child-centered choice. That’s because couples looking to take in children usually want children a lot. They’re willing to make many sacrifices to get their children. They have to undergo much screening to have a child placed with them. They often pay for the expenses of the birth mom. If adoption turns out to be the best option for you and your baby, it’s free for you. Financially, that is. You’ll be sad and devastated at losing a child you bonded with during your pregnancy. But you should have the peace of knowing that you did the right thing. And you can pursue your own dreams and goals. If your baby’s parents do things right, they’ll ensure that your baby will see that you loved her enough to give her to a couple best able to raise her.
Considering this child-centered choice for your baby? More and more parents in crisis do. Visit Bethany Christian Family Services and find out more.